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Can mom take her furniture to assisted living?
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Can mom take her furniture to assisted living?
When moving into any new space, including assisted living, it can be comforting to have some of your favorite and familiar furniture with you. Each piece holds memories that can ease the transition into the new and unknown. Luckily, in most places, mom can bring some of her prized pieces with her when she moves into her new room to help her adjust.
But even though her furniture can go with her, it doesn’t mean that everything should come along. Since her new space will be much smaller in scale than before, it’s important to be selective about what makes the trip with her. Thinking strategically ahead of time will help you and mom make the best choices for what should be loaded on the moving van, what should be replaced, and what should be donated, stored, or sold.
Where should we start?
The best starting point in selecting which furniture to bring is to get in touch with the assisted living facility to find out if they have any particular restrictions, how much space mom will have in her new room, and what is already provided. They may even have a packing list already created to guide your furniture selections. At our locations here in Texas, we love assisting people in making the transition as smooth as possible, so we’re happy to help with any furniture questions.
Be sure to ask for the room dimensions to help you pare down your list of furniture to bring right off the bat. Knowing the layout of the room can help you figure out which furniture best supports an easy-to-maneuver space. And don’t forget to find out what type of furniture is already provided in the room and common spaces. If mom enjoys getting out of her room to mingle with others, a couch in her own room might be overkill if there are already a few in the shared spaces. If she enjoys a lot of quiet time to herself, a small loveseat of her own may be beneficial to bring if it fits well in her space.
Which furniture should be on the moving list?
Now that you and mom know what space you have to work with and which furniture is already provided, you can think about the few pieces that make the most sense to bring. Using a typical day as a guideline, you can identify which pieces are used most on any given day from morning to night. A bed and nightstand bookend our days and should be a top consideration to make the move unless they are already provided and meet mom’s needs. A comfortable and easy to get in and out of seating option is another frequently used piece. Most people need a small tabletop of some sort for eating or writing, and some type of storage for clothes, books, etc. Versatile pieces that provide double-duty should be a high priority on the moving list, such as a bed or table that has a storage component built into it. Those types of pieces provide twice the function in mom’s new apartment while taking up the same amount of space.
Once you have your list narrowed down, it is a good idea to examine each piece and make sure it is durable and in good condition before loading it into the moving truck. If the bed is going with mom, but the mattress is not as supportive as it used to be, now is a good time to replace it and start fresh.
Which furniture should be on the donate/store/sell list?
For everything else that didn’t make the moving list, you can donate, store, or sell it. This includes large and clunky pieces that would make mom’s new room difficult to maneuver through safely. It also includes furniture that is likely to collect clutter. While it’s important to bring some of mom’s sentimental keepsakes, overloading a small space with too many knick knacks can lead to safety issues and also be a pain to keep clean. So while that beautiful china cabinet with all the shelves and drawers seems like a good storage opportunity, it might end up collecting too many extra trinkets that crowd the space.
Also consider leaving out furniture that can put things out of reach. A tall bookcase, for example, might not be the most accessible option when you consider that the books on the lowest and top shelves might be hard for mom to bend down to, or reach up to. Any piece of furniture that is not accessible for mom now, or as she gets older, should be on the donate/store/sell list.
Durability, accessibility, and versatility is the name of the game when it comes to selecting the best furniture to make the trip with mom into assisted living. With a few carefully selected pieces, mom can bring a bit of her personality into her new space and make her new surroundings just a bit more familiar.
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Top 8 Assisted Living Choices to Avoid
1. Rushing the decision
It is understandable that your family can be quite stressed and worried about the need to get your elderly loved ones into an assisted living home. You may not have the time and energy reserves to manage the situation on your own. But remember not to make a rushed decision. Thoroughly research your available options in terms of proximity, aesthetics, activities, dietary choices, quality of care facilities provided and the resident to caregiver ratio. Keep in mind that should you or your parent be unhappy with the facility, there will be other challenges and difficulties for you to deal with. The decision you make now will have far reaching positive effects, so just breathe… remember thousands of families are right where you are right now. Take your time so you can make the right choices.
2. Getting carried away by aesthetics
Pleasant surroundings are important; we all feel a sense of importance when in a perfectly decorated and updated home. But decor shouldn’t be the sole deciding criterion. A new, fancy place with landscaped gardens and lovely furniture may feel emotionally attractive. However, an older but well looked after home may indicate personal attention, greater experience of caring for the elderly, and seasoned and dedicated staff. A house that is modified for senior living, with ramps, surgical beds, elder-friendly bathrooms, is more important than the most on trend decor. You will want a place that is clean and efficient. Great decor is an added benefit but not a dealmaker.
3. Making proximity the only criterion
It’s an emotional time and you will inevitably think to yourself, “how far is the commute from my driveway to theirs?” While being close by is important, there are other factors that are far more important. And there are more ways to look at a commute. So don’t make the mistake of making a hasty decision based only on the proximity of the house to where you live in Dallas. Also take into account the distance of the home from your place of work, your children’s school or sports activities. Is there a favorite ice-cream shop your kids love on the way that you can always go to? This will tie the visits to grandma with a simple pleasure in life. Can you move a weekend activity, like hiking or minigolf for the family, to one closer to your mom’s new home? When you think about it, this “commute thing” is also an opportunity for you to begin new traditions with your family. So, while you must pay attention to driveability, it’s more flexible than you think.
4. Not doing your due diligence
Check out places online. Shortlist the best ones and examine them further. Do a background check of the people who run the place. Here are some questions to ask: How long have they been in the business? What are their credentials? How many people do they have on their payroll? Who are the carers employed there? Are they trained and certified? Do they have nursing experience? Do they have a few people to do some of the inevitable heavy lifting? Good reviews online? Menu options mom or dad like? See what people are saying about the facility on social media and on websites such as Yelp. It may be reassuring to know that out of the 1.5 million full-time nursing and care giving employees in the country, over 21% are employed in assisted living facilities. If possible, also speak to some of the residents privately or the people who have their family members in care. Ask them about their views and experiences. Try to physically visit as many assisted living places as possible. Check the level of upkeep and whether the residents seem to be generally happy and well looked after.
5. Not making a future-friendly decision
Your dad may enjoy playing tennis now, but as he gets older, he may not be able to play the game he enjoys. You mom may enjoy gardening today, but as she becomes more immobile with her advancing years, this may become irrelevant to her. Swanky homes with sophisticated recreational facilities may seem attractive now but are they practical for the future? For some they are, for others this is not relevant. Choose the right one for you. Does it make more sense to choose a place that is small and intimate and personalized vis-à-vis something that appears to be more corporatized? Are your parents social, playful, or would they love a big quiet reading room? Just remember to make a home choice that will take care of your loved ones not just now but in years to come as well.
6. Not paying attention to the details
Read the fine print. If there are things you don’t understand, run those terms by a lawyer. What is included and what is excluded in the amount that you pay – medications, food, toiletries, laundry, and other consumables? Is there a year on year increase and do you need to renew a contract every year? What is the protocol in case of a medical emergency? What happens as the elderly person becomes progressively more dependent and infirm or if they deteriorate mentally? Is the facility equipped to handle this?
7. Not involving mom and dad
Remember it isn’t you who will be shifting to a new home and having to adjust to a new life with new people. So don’t take a unilateral decision without giving due consideration to the concerns and preferences that you parent or other elderly relative may have. Your parent’s wishes are very important to consider, so involve them in the decision making process. Take them on visits after you have done your initial inspection. Introduce them to residents you’ve already spoken to and thought they might befriend. Remember when your mom or dad took you to college orientation? Remember how out of your element you were and just walking the campus was exciting and scary all at once. It’s your turn now, to walk them through the decision step by step, hand in hand.
8. Leaving it until it’s too late
This is a decision that you need to make so don’t procrastinate. You may not like the idea of having a loved one in care but you have to be realistic. If your loved ones are becoming more immobile while living in a remote location, far from medical facilities in a home ill-equipped for elder living, it makes sense for them to move somewhere they would be safer and well supervised. Take the decision before there is a fall or a tragic incident that could have been avoided. While it is important not to rush the decision, it is also important not to leave it until it’s too late! Call our trusted staff to schedule a visit at a time convenient to you and your parents.
More Articles
Can mom take her furniture to assisted living?
When moving into any new space, including assisted living, it can be comforting to have some of your favorite and familiar furniture with you. Each piece holds memories that can ease the transition into the new and unknown…
Top 8 Assisted Living Choices to Avoid
For a family, making the decision to move a loved one into an assisted living facility can be full of ups and downs… for everyone. Let’s discuss the subject in detail so you can have more ups than the latter.
Help! Mom Doesn’t Want to Go into Assisted Living
An aging and increasingly infirm parent can be a challenging reality to face. It can be a difficult issue to confront and acknowledge –that the woman you used to depend upon is no longer independent; either physically or practically. At this point, an assisted living facility seems to make the most sense for her and for you.
How do I Talk to Mom and Dad about Assisted Living?
Your parents worked so hard to give you a comfortable, happy life growing up. They are the two people that cared for you and anticipated all your needs more than anyone else in your life. To think about these two capable, loving, caring people being unable to care even for themselves can sound strange.
Top 5 signs mom needs assisted living
As kids, our moms were our superwomen. They seemed to have so many balls up in the air and managed to juggle all of them effortlessly. Their home chores, work commitments, kids’ responsibilities and social life.
Help! Mom Doesn’t Want to Go into Assisted Living
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Help! Mom Doesn’t Want to Go into Assisted Living
So you’ve suggested assisted living because you feel she will be safer and happier there. In fact, as per a 2009 Independent Living Report, research indicates that living as part of a community makes one more likely to forge new friendships and try new things. You have also perhaps given a lot of thought to the fact that caring for an elderly person yourself can put a
severe strain on your family, and your personal and emotional resources. So you’ve gone and broached the idea with mom only to be met with stiff resistance! The idea of assisted living is distasteful to her! What can you do to help her see it’s a great choice? To help her see happiness behind the decision to move into a residential assisted living home?
Put yourself in her shoes.
Think of the w hole situation from her point of view. She is probably having a hard enough time dealing with old age as it is. She is probably unable to do some of the things she enjoyed; has slowed down figuratively and literally. She is no longer as self reliant as she was and needs help with more things. She is tired more easily and no longer seems to have the limitless stores of energy that she used to have. So, old age can be a challenging reality to face, especially for a woman who is used to managing her own life and making her own decisions. So in a sense your mom is already having a tough time dealing with her situation.
When you introduced the suggestion of assisted living into this equation, it may feel like you’re saying she isn’t who she always was in your eyes. A good dose of listening and connecting with what she loves about life can help this conversation be more proactive than prescriptive. Imagine, not only does she feel her autonomy slipping away, she feels her very sense of self being the parent, eroding. This is hugely difficult for her self esteem so remember to be empathetic and patient. There is also the fact that she is contemplating leaving the home she loves to be in for a new place to essentially live with strangers. Anyone would baulk when confronted with the possibility of such significant life changes. Remember when you last moved, what made you feel more excited than scared? Was it visiting the new town? Was is a new job or opportunity for a better life? Was it a new sport activity the town offered? A new group of friends? All of these are possible for her with the right residential assisted living home.
Make a list of the pros and cons.
Be honest with her. Tell her about your difficulties and worries. Tell her about your own limitations as a caregiver and speak about your apprehensions and worries. Gently tell her about the possibilities of a medical emergency at any time of the day or night – even when you’re out of town because of work! Speak to her about the unsuitability of continuing to live in home that is not modified for an elderly person vis-à-vis an elder friendly, properly equipped and staffed house where she will be safer and more comfortable. These issues are particularly pertinent if she lives alone. Outline the positives of having other like minded people to speak to and interact with; having the tiresome chores taken care of every day, having a social life again.
Bring in someone she respects.
Let’s face it: she’s changed your diapers and seen you at your worst. You may not be the authority on the matter for her. Also she knows what she knows about life, and maybe there are but a few people in the world whose views she truly respects. So if she hears from a friend who is in her situation and doing well, she may listen willingly and show inclination to change her mind. If one of her close siblings makes the case with you she may be more willing to listen. Use your resources and be ready to go at her pace. It can also make sense to speak to an expert; someone who is knowledgeable about assisted living facilities, their pros & cons and address some of the apprehensions she may have about her new life there. Consider involving a trusted person such as the family doctor, who can explain to her the real benefits of living within a community of care.
Involve her in the conversation.
It is important to listen to your mother’s side of the story. What really are her apprehensions about going into assisted living? Have you gotten to the heart of the matter for her. Try not to make assumptions about her apprehensions. But do ask yourself, are those apprehensions justified? If she is afraid that she will not like her new house, assure her that you will keep looking until you find the right one. If she is worried that the home will be too far for you to visit, resolve to find a facility close to where you live in Dallas. As you look through the various possible homes for her, involve her in the discovery process. And don’t forget to have fun with it. It can engage her optimism and curiosity if you set the tone for her to discover and decide. When you go for a visit, take her along and give the staff a heads up email about what she likes and what she doesn’t. Let her see the place for herself and let her meet others who may soon be sharing a home with her.
Take it one step at a time. Introduce the idea and don’t push her to accept your decision. Let her get used to the idea, make sure you give due consideration to her apprehensions and be as gentle and loving as possible. Remember this is a difficult time for her. It’s your turn to make life a bit easier for her.
More Articles
Can mom take her furniture to assisted living?
When moving into any new space, including assisted living, it can be comforting to have some of your favorite and familiar furniture with you. Each piece holds memories that can ease the transition into the new and unknown…
Top 8 Assisted Living Choices to Avoid
For a family, making the decision to move a loved one into an assisted living facility can be full of ups and downs… for everyone. Let’s discuss the subject in detail so you can have more ups than the latter.
Help! Mom Doesn’t Want to Go into Assisted Living
An aging and increasingly infirm parent can be a challenging reality to face. It can be a difficult issue to confront and acknowledge –that the woman you used to depend upon is no longer independent; either physically or practically. At this point, an assisted living facility seems to make the most sense for her and for you.
How do I Talk to Mom and Dad about Assisted Living?
Your parents worked so hard to give you a comfortable, happy life growing up. They are the two people that cared for you and anticipated all your needs more than anyone else in your life. To think about these two capable, loving, caring people being unable to care even for themselves can sound strange.
Top 5 signs mom needs assisted living
As kids, our moms were our superwomen. They seemed to have so many balls up in the air and managed to juggle all of them effortlessly. Their home chores, work commitments, kids’ responsibilities and social life.